Chapter 6 - Gender

     McCornack (2019 p. 152) defines gender as a broader term encompassing the social, psychological, and behavioral attributes that a particular culture associates with an individual's biological sex.  Also, gender varies according to culture, because different cultures have different standards, or norms, for expected behaviors, roles, and gender expression.  (McCornack, 2019, p. 152)

     Context (McCornack, 2019, p. 155) comes to mind as I am awash with different interactions that I have had recently.  Sharing the experience of gender varies depending upon context.  Recently, upon entering a store, I held the door for another to pass before I entered.  I don’t know how the other person considered my action but I probably binned it as “chivalry,” a socially constructed gender identity (McCornack, 2019, p. 153).  I suspect my decision to hold the door open was a manifestation of society's norms.  I could say it was because I am a kind and considerate human but I suspect that unconscious and instantaneous impulse was first, socially constructed gender identity.

     While driving, if another turns on their blinker to enter my lane, I slow and allow the lane change.  That deferment has no gender aspect (I think) since I cannot see the driver in the other car and my slowing is a conscious decision for the benefit of traffic flow.  My act could be feminine (cooperation) yet my motivation could be masculine (protecting).  In that situation, I claim “kind and considerate human” although I believe my decision was more about the good of the group as much as accommodating a particular driver.

God Speed!, by Edmund Leighton (1900)

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 5 - Individualism versus Collectivism

     In the textbook, McCornack (2019, p. 131) highlights collectivistic cultures as cultures composed of people that emphasize group identify, interpersonal harmony, and the well-being of in-groups.

     I am reminded of a photograph of Somali women, framed on my wall at home.  To me, the image speaks of Somali culture as quintessentially a collectivistic culture.  The image was taken at a community celebration.  From my eyes, I saw a young girl who was largely free of constraints and enjoying the pleasure of dance as she swirled her skirt around.  I could see the excitement and wonder of life, through a child's eyes.

     Behind her, I saw the collective.  I saw what she will become.  Her culture will accept her, train her, teach her, scold her, offer a dress code for her, present expectations to her, and show her how to be part of the collective.  She will learn from her mother, grandmother, teachers, religious leaders, and peers.  Her youthful excitement is unconstrained and unrestrained.  When it is time for her to step back and join the group, she will have transformed into the group.

     In this photograph, I see culture communicated, layered, and lived (McCornack, 2019, p. 125).

Image taken by me at a local Somali celebration.

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 2 - Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

     In the textbook, McCornack (2019, p. 33) defines self-fulfilling prophecies as predictions about future interactions that lead us to behave in ways that ensure the interaction unfolds as we predicted.  The chapter considers the term within the context of self-concept.

     Yesterday, I spoke with an old work friend.  I recalled a time when we attended a meeting with a high-level person who had decision-making authority.  We had just watched another person's proposal get denied and the high-level person, with precision, had listed the inadequacies of the proposal and then sent the person on his way.  When his turn came, my friend started this presentation with a very short mention that he had heard the high-level guy was a "people person" and now, he sees how true that is and is excited to present the proposal.  At the time, I remember thinking, "that is a bold move, full of risk."

     Well, my friend created a self-fulfilling prophecy and appealed to the decision-maker's ideal self (McCornack, 2019, p. 35) .  My friend was confident, looked like he enjoyed and believed in his work, and gave a complete project presentation.  His audience (the decision-maker) became more engaged and offered many positive pointers.  My friend left with an approved project.

License: CC0 Public Domain. Gerd Altmann has released this “Success” image under Public Domain license.

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 1 - Transactional Communication Model

     In the textbook, McCornack (2019) defines three types of communication models; linear, interactive, and transactional.  Transactional communication models intuitively capture what most people think of an interpersonal communication (McCornack, 2019, p. 7).

     Once a week, I cashier at a local thrift store.  I have observed different customer reactions to different cashier styles of communication.  These brief encounters are optimal when the customer projects interest, happiness, and returns to the store.  It is the cashier's ability to intuitively capture what the customer is thinking and then acting upon that information to enhance the customer experience which makes for meaning (McCornack, 2019, p. 8) in a quality transactional communication.

     A couple was looking at leather jackets.  From about 15 feet away, I watched a long and lanky man try on a jacket.  I remarked that the sleeve length was perfect for his arms.  Leather jackets are expensive and even in a thrift store, they cost more than other jackets.  As the man continued, I jokingly remarked that the jacket made him look "strong and powerful."  His face lit up and I think that his entire body straighten up!  His wife looked at me and rolled her eyes.  He ignored his wife's eye roll and focused on my subsequent complements.  About 15 minutes later, the couple was at the register to purchase that jacket.

     The customers and I shared meaning and impact (McCornack, 2019, p. 10).  My words to the man seemed to accurately articulate his perception of self at that moment [his self-esteem] (McCornack, 2019, p. 14).  He accurately received the information that I transmitted to him.  The couple left happy.  

This image file is made available under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication  https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Black_worn_leather_jacket.jpg

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 7 - On Being a Renaissance Listener...

     McCornack's textbook (page 185) lists five common listening functions; to comprehend, to discern, to analyze, to appreciate, and to support.  These five functions are not mutually exclusive and a good listener changes between them frequently and with fluidity.  The trick is to know when to switch between purposes so you become skillful and flexible.

     I considered my listening behavior as a nursing assistant.  Initially, I thought that the fluidity, that ability to effortless switch purposes, was important.  The more I thought about it, I concluded that analytical self-discipline to constantly evaluate and prioritize what listening purposes is needed.  Then, layer (or add) received information on top of already gained information to help form a more complete understanding of a patient is critical.  This process never ends!

     Listening can be hard work!  Regularly, I listen to a patient and in a sentence or two, I am considering nearly all five listening purposes.  Information in one patient sentence is relevant in comprehending, discernment, analyzing, appreciating, and supporting.  In this sense, it isn’t about switching and fluidity as much as appreciating that any communication from a patient is relevant to all five listening purposes, although one purpose may take the lead.

     Thinking more on this, feeling exhausted after work is as much to being on my feet all day as my brain and ears working as hard as my feet for the entire day.  Worth repeating… Listening is hard work!

Image from News 4 San Antonio on 1 December 2020.
https://news4sanantonio.com/news/coronavirus/gallery/patient-in-viral-photo-with-icu-doctor-i-want-to-be-with-my-wife?photo=1

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 4 - Low Emotional Intelligence can lead to the dark side…

      McCornack's textbook defines Emotional intelligence (EI) as the ability to interpret emotions accurately and to use this information to manage emotions, communicate them competently, and solve relationship problems.  A few years ago, I took notes on a book about EI.

     Ideally, we should all have high EI but as with everything, levels vary.  In that book, one suggestion was to watch movies and appreciate high EI in characters.  The character of Yoda in Star Wars seems to be an ideal candidate!

     While watching the first Star Wars film, I found that managing emotions is a key aspect of the Jedi knight.  Also, attention focus, seems to be a key preventative strategy to manage emotions.  Yoda is ever the partner in education and training, always calm, rationale, and comforting of others.  Yoda displays warmth and never appears without emotional control.  In a sense, Yoda’s high EI provides gravity which pulls others to him.  People are drawn to the words and actions of Yoda.  Those with nefarious plans realize Yoda’s EI power and want him gone.

     I think someone with high EI can radiate a positive and contagious vibe.  Most people appreciate that emotional radiation and eagerly bask in its glow.  At the end of the day, this is about living a happy emotional life.  Working toward training your mind to rewire for qualities of a higher EI is the path forward.  We are padawans in this life-long journey toward higher EI.

We must unlearn what we have learned.  Fear is the path to the dark side.  --Yoda

Star Wars, from https://www.facebook.com/pg/StarWars/photos/

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 3 - GESTALTs, a cautionary tale

     McCornack's textbook defines gestalt as a general sense of a person that is either positive or negative.  It is an impression of the person as a whole rather than as the sum of individual parts and can be useful for encounters in which we must render quick judgments about others with limited information.  Certainly, this process can have significant shortcomings.

     I am reminded of a time when I worked in the developing world.  I listened to several people from the “developed world” speak on helping those in the “developing world.”  They viewed local village needs based upon their brief encounter the the village leader and their concept of a good life.  Later in the day, a U.S. military member offered points to consider.  He said, “Remember that just because somebody isn’t educated, that doesn’t mean that they are stupid.  Also, just because somebody is poor doesn’t mean that aren’t happy.”

     This exchange stuck with me.  I think for many of us, our world view is firmly planted in our own life experiences.  Western concepts of “success” and “happiness” feed our gestalts for many individuals.  When outside of our element, the process of creating gestalts (discern a few traits, draw upon info in our schemata, and arrive at judgment based on these traits) can be magnified and outright false.

     That military member spoke with pragmatic experience.  For me, this exchange showed how gestalts (and stereotypes) can cloud judgment and also how they can be tempered and become useful again.  Ever since, I never stop trying to understand a person.

Image taken by me in the Afar region of Djibouti, 2007.

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.