Chapter 7 - On Being a Renaissance Listener...

     McCornack's textbook (page 185) lists five common listening functions; to comprehend, to discern, to analyze, to appreciate, and to support.  These five functions are not mutually exclusive and a good listener changes between them frequently and with fluidity.  The trick is to know when to switch between purposes so you become skillful and flexible.

     I considered my listening behavior as a nursing assistant.  Initially, I thought that the fluidity, that ability to effortless switch purposes, was important.  The more I thought about it, I concluded that analytical self-discipline to constantly evaluate and prioritize what listening purposes is needed.  Then, layer (or add) received information on top of already gained information to help form a more complete understanding of a patient is critical.  This process never ends!

     Listening can be hard work!  Regularly, I listen to a patient and in a sentence or two, I am considering nearly all five listening purposes.  Information in one patient sentence is relevant in comprehending, discernment, analyzing, appreciating, and supporting.  In this sense, it isn’t about switching and fluidity as much as appreciating that any communication from a patient is relevant to all five listening purposes, although one purpose may take the lead.

     Thinking more on this, feeling exhausted after work is as much to being on my feet all day as my brain and ears working as hard as my feet for the entire day.  Worth repeating… Listening is hard work!

Image from News 4 San Antonio on 1 December 2020.
https://news4sanantonio.com/news/coronavirus/gallery/patient-in-viral-photo-with-icu-doctor-i-want-to-be-with-my-wife?photo=1

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 4 - Low Emotional Intelligence can lead to the dark side…

      McCornack's textbook defines Emotional intelligence (EI) as the ability to interpret emotions accurately and to use this information to manage emotions, communicate them competently, and solve relationship problems.  A few years ago, I took notes on a book about EI.

     Ideally, we should all have high EI but as with everything, levels vary.  In that book, one suggestion was to watch movies and appreciate high EI in characters.  The character of Yoda in Star Wars seems to be an ideal candidate!

     While watching the first Star Wars film, I found that managing emotions is a key aspect of the Jedi knight.  Also, attention focus, seems to be a key preventative strategy to manage emotions.  Yoda is ever the partner in education and training, always calm, rationale, and comforting of others.  Yoda displays warmth and never appears without emotional control.  In a sense, Yoda’s high EI provides gravity which pulls others to him.  People are drawn to the words and actions of Yoda.  Those with nefarious plans realize Yoda’s EI power and want him gone.

     I think someone with high EI can radiate a positive and contagious vibe.  Most people appreciate that emotional radiation and eagerly bask in its glow.  At the end of the day, this is about living a happy emotional life.  Working toward training your mind to rewire for qualities of a higher EI is the path forward.  We are padawans in this life-long journey toward higher EI.

We must unlearn what we have learned.  Fear is the path to the dark side.  --Yoda

Star Wars, from https://www.facebook.com/pg/StarWars/photos/

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.

Chapter 3 - GESTALTs, a cautionary tale

     McCornack's textbook defines gestalt as a general sense of a person that is either positive or negative.  It is an impression of the person as a whole rather than as the sum of individual parts and can be useful for encounters in which we must render quick judgments about others with limited information.  Certainly, this process can have significant shortcomings.

     I am reminded of a time when I worked in the developing world.  I listened to several people from the “developed world” speak on helping those in the “developing world.”  They viewed local village needs based upon their brief encounter the the village leader and their concept of a good life.  Later in the day, a U.S. military member offered points to consider.  He said, “Remember that just because somebody isn’t educated, that doesn’t mean that they are stupid.  Also, just because somebody is poor doesn’t mean that aren’t happy.”

     This exchange stuck with me.  I think for many of us, our world view is firmly planted in our own life experiences.  Western concepts of “success” and “happiness” feed our gestalts for many individuals.  When outside of our element, the process of creating gestalts (discern a few traits, draw upon info in our schemata, and arrive at judgment based on these traits) can be magnified and outright false.

     That military member spoke with pragmatic experience.  For me, this exchange showed how gestalts (and stereotypes) can cloud judgment and also how they can be tempered and become useful again.  Ever since, I never stop trying to understand a person.

Image taken by me in the Afar region of Djibouti, 2007.

McCornack, S. (2019). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication . Boston: Bedford.